“What do you think of the films and actors, O Master?”
“They are entertainers, my dears—often quite dumb, illiterate people like the sportspersons.”
“These ‘naachne-gaane wale’ try to amuse you in various ways. But, in general, the men will flaunt their biceps and six-packs and would do stunts which defy the laws of gravity to amuse the retards among viewers.”
“The women flaunt their tits, legs and asses. Some display their wares in so-called ‘modern dresses’; some show their assets in so-called traditional dresses; and some simply abandon their clothes! How nice of them—the world would have been a drearier place without their valuable contribution!”
“Yes, my Lord, we have ascertained from many male viewers that they watch the films only for titillation; the female actors are nothing but masturbatory aids for them.”
“Sure, now that the age of pin-up posters is passé, there are a million forums on the Internet exactly for this purpose.”
“And you must also know that, in terms of ethology,dances and songs are nothing but pre-mating rituals! Pardon the humans for presenting them as art forms. Ha, ha, ha.”
“You see, their business is to entertain you by selling fantasies. They take you to a fantasy land on screen for two-three hours where you may forget the harsh realities of your dreary existence.”
“Yes, Sire, those who cannot afford to go on a single holiday out of their shanty town, can visit the most exotic locales of the world in those two-three hours.”
“And find people of their own race there, speaking their stupid language. It makes them feel both at home and abroad simultaneously.”
“Human mind is fickle, you see; sometimes they are amused by one thing; sometimes by quite the opposite. The whole business of film-making therefore revolves around finding a way which might strike a chord in the minds of the viewers at a particular time and make the film a hit.”
“Humans watch films because, for that period, they mentally associate with the actors. When the actors hump on the screen, viewers hump in their minds—just as they do while watching porn. When some hunk beats up a whole army of goons single-handedly, viewers who have not thrown a single punch in their lives, also derive the pleasure of being ‘he-manly’.”

“Films take the viewers to a world and show them deeds which they always wanted to do but could not do in their real lives. That’s why rapes are an essential ingredient of films. So are beating up people, driving fast cars and bikes, and chasing.”
“In other words, Master, films appeal to the primal instincts of the viewers and provide a ‘permissible’ expression of all that is pent up in the dark recesses of their subconscious.”

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