The Most Revered Master
"O Most Revered Master, please be so kind as to enlighten us poor souls, “who you are, who we are and what are we doing in this world? We hear that you have spent long years meditating in the mountains of Tibet amidst enlightened souls living on an astral plane. Is that true?"
"Yes, my dears, indeed I have, before I came to Mum on Nov. 27, 2012. I had also mastered the secret art ‘Hun Chang Tung Hassee’, which enables me to beat up several guys three times bigger than me. I don’t want to embarrass you but, just to keep people in their places, remember that night when I had jumped down from the bed and...! Ha, ha, ha! (It was fun, isn’t it? Jumping from the bed and wham, bam; despatching two guys in three seconds—leaving one squealing and the other bleeding profusely!) You are fortunate to have me as your brother-in-arms, guru and guide."
“Yes, we are grateful, Sire.”
“What is your mission in life, O Enlightened One?”
“My mission in life is to eradicate stupidity from the world, my dears. I have been sent to wage a battle against it.”
“Stupidity is like a bra, my dear friends; however hard one tries to cover it up, it does show up somehow!”
“Ha, ha, ha!”
“Where do we live, O Wise Man?”
“My dears, this is my home and I share my home with you guys and two rather huge dogs, oops, humans—they are our Mum and Dad.”
True love is...
“Our Mum is called Dr. Anjali Nirmal and Dad is called Dr. N. C. Asthana. Strange names these humans have, but that’s how it is.”
“Never forget, my loved ones, heaven lies under the feet of your Mum. It is the ultimate truth in life.”
“Oh, now we understand, sire, why even a Profound Guru like you also gets so deeply perturbed and starts sulking when Mum goes out even for a couple of hours!”
"Yes, she can do whatever; but we must remain somewhere within the zone of her aura—that’s all what we want."
“And let me tell you, even they miss us so much.”
My brothers, if there is one thing all of us dogs should have prayed God, was to make our lives longer—if not for us, at least for those who love us.”
“You still did not unravel the mystery, my Lord, who you are?”
“My curious friends, I am Emperor Chubby, the Wise One—Lord of all that I cast my eyes upon. Thank God, you don’t have a wife! Or else...you know what. Ha, ha, ha!”
“What are your other qualities, O Guiding Light?”
“I am a Benevolent Despot, the Supreme Leader .”
“Yeah, yeah, we do remember, Master, there was this film ‘The Dictator’ in 2012 and there was this character Admiral General Haffaz Aladeen, the Supreme Leader of Wadiya who was born with his Supreme Beard! Remember his words of profound wisdom for the dumb Americans?”
“Why are you guys so anti-dictators? Imagine if America was a dictatorship. You could let 1% of the people have all the nation's wealth. You could help your rich friends get richer by cutting their taxes. And bailing them out when they gamble and lose. You could ignore the needs of the poor for health care and education. Your media would appear free, but would secretly be controlled by one person and his family. You could wiretap phones. You could torture foreign prisoners. You could have rigged elections. You could lie about why you go to war. You could fill your prisons with one particular racial group, and no one would complain. You could use the media to scare the people into supporting policies that are against their interests.”
“Okay, okay, I read your mind. Better you learn my Rules Of Life.”
My rules...Get it?
“Where is your Empire, Sire?”
“I rule over the hearts of my Mum and Dad. But, to be frank, so do you! You are all equally loved.”
“I must tell you, my beloved comrades, I am a very loving person.”
“We know it, my Lord, we know it. Admiral General Aladeen was also the Beloved Oppressor and Ruthless Protector of the Precious and Expendable People of Wadiya! So are we. We bow before you, O Supreme Leader. Praise be to God for your small mercies.”